Growing up, I often heard my parents telling me to “be nice”.  Lately I’ve noticed that I’m often telling my almost 7 year old son to “be nice” – be nice to your sister, be nice to your friends or that “when you’re nice, it’s hard for people not to like you”.   Then it occurred to me, if that really is the case, why does the expression “nice guys finish last” exist?  Is that really true?  And if so, am I doing wrong by my son by trying to make him be nice?  I thought I would dig a little further into what it means to “be nice”, as well as how to actually “be” nice.

I think firstly, we need to know who is this “nice” guy who is finishing last?  If he’s the guy who says yes to everything and just wants to please, then I understand how he can fall short.  Most people like others who have their own opinions and principles, and are not afraid to confidently speak their mind.  I don’t believe that this implies that they can’t also be polite and respectful… you know, NICE.  I assume that the guy who is finishing last is not there because he’s nice, but rather because he may be spineless, over-eager, afraid to take the lead, a doormat, etc. etc., and we’ve just wrongly defined that as “nice”.

So now that I’ve established that just because you’re nice, it doesn’t mean you will finish last, how do I define “nice” to my son and teach him the associated attributes?  I think we need to elaborate on what it is to “be nice”!  Here it goes (definitely not an exhaustive list):

• Smile and be courteous to others
• Genuinely listen and care about what others have to say
• Try to be positive and helpful
• Be sincere
• Be aware of the little things – they count
• Be complimentary to others and perform some random acts of kindness
• Be humble

And last but not least….

• Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you

I’ll sum up with this quote from my husband to my son:  There are two kinds of people in this world… the one who holds the door open for the person following behind them, and the one who lets it slam shut… make sure you are always the one who holds it open.

What was the last “nice” thing you’ve done?  Share with us here or on Facebook!

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